Having smoke* blown up one’s ass.

*Air, actually.

Medical stuff and life stuff:

Medical: Today – finally had Colonography – 2 days of fasting and chemically induced diarrhea, 10 minutes with a compressor pumping gas up my butt, 10 minutes in a CT scan. There we went. It took a month to organise and 48hrs 20 minutes to do. I’ve had Diarrhea now for 24 hours, and I’m basically dropping (at great speed) Bovril/Bisto – nothing, including Immodium, is stopping it. The 4 litres of air were pumped into my gut, and more than that has been coming out. But it’s over. I await the results.

Yesterday: I phoned the Physio Hotline and found out that actually, I’ll have to wait until March to get an appointment, even though the text I got from them made everything seem INCREDIBLY URGENT: CONTACT US OR BE TAKEN OFF THE LIST! I phoned my Bereavement Councillor to cancel my appointment – in time (I could not have made it through without shitting myself). Oh, and I also had a migraine. Whoopee.

Oh, and the day of the scan my period started. Which must have been an added bonus for the lady putting the tube up my ass. It’s early. Very early. It may be the fasting or perhaps the Gastrografin liquid I had to drink: it’s a radioactive tracer you drink that coats your colon… it tastes vile. I’ve never thrown a medicine away more happily. I hope everything settles down below the waist soon.

Other Stuff:

My Dad and I went to see the Scythians exhibition at the British Museum. It was excellent. I full on proper exhibition. The Scythians are the ancient people who lived in lower Russia – the Steppes. They were nomadic, living in what we might consider Yurts. Horses were key to their culture, as was being excellent archers. But the great thing about them is though we don’t have their buildings or writings, we have them: natural (ice) mummies. It was amazing to see their textiles preserved (properly amazing – they used lots of felt which is pretty impervious, but also woven fabrics), then the many gold items. But really stunning was to see bits of them – pieces of tattooed skin, and whole heads. Astonishing. I read every label and spent 3 hours with them, while my Dad went and had a coffee. Oh, and they inhaled the smoke from burning hemp seeds in a special tent.

That day though, was a bit difficult. I got very spooked – we were running late for the show, I lost my Oyster card while on the underground, the queue for the cloakroom and the toilet was massive, and I started to panic when I’d only just really started the exhibition but my Dad found me to tell me he’d finished. It was like the day I lost my gloves losing that Oyster. It was a 2012 Jubilee card and I remember getting it and showing it to Mum. It also had £6 on it and that bugged me. After the exhibition, my Dad kept trying to buy me books (one of his ways of showing love), which also spooked me, and made me have hints of catastrophe again. He took me to dinner and we discussed lots of stuff that would have made me feel very uncomfortable 2 years ago. Since our getting along I’ve had more Catastrophe thoughts. I must be careful to not let these become a habit. Or a crutch.

I began Batarde Script. Yes, I returned to Calligraphy. And I enjoyed it. Lots of new people, and a real mixture. And a new script. The perfect mix. I’m hoping I’ll continue to enjoy it. The Charity Bookshop I volunteer in is closed for 3 weeks while it has a re-fit, and I’m hoping that this circumstance will aid my enjoying calligraphy. I find the 2.5 hr class very physically demanding – perched on a high stool and bent over a board. It really takes it out of me and causes much pain, as does doing the homework. Having done this and then the next day having Volunteering has really fucked my back and hips/knees in the last 6 months, and I’m hoping that only having one bout of pressured doing* will help. Else I’ll have to re-consider either when I do my volunteering, or if I do it at all. My right knee and hip have become so painful that getting upstairs is difficult. In addition, my knee has become very unreliable – vis – I went to stand up on it the other day and it ‘went’, the pain was so shocking I don’t actually know what was happening with it – if it locked or was too flexible – I don’t know. I tried ‘re-setting’ it, shaking it to loosen it – all the tricks, but the fucker wasn’t playing and the pain wasn’t going anywhere. If I’m going to have to wait until March to have the physio I need, I won’t be able to use it as I have been – so the Bookshop may have to go for a while.

*Any form of regular responsibility where I feel an obligation to perform, even if that I’m performing is just pricing art books from Abe for no pay. Any obligation/responsibility does this to me. It makes me physically and mentally more ill than my baseline.

Eugh, I’m off to fart for Great Britain – that 4 litres is making itself known, and if I’m not careful I’ll shart.




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